“The Road To Kiev” Starring Vladimir Putin

Russian speakers, ethnic Russians, expats who fled Moscow to live peacefully in Kiev, none of them are crying out for the protection of Vladimir Putin. Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said of Gay Kids currently living within the borders of Russia, or the punk rock girls of penal colony #28 in Perm, Pussy Riot.

Go home, Vladimir. Stop sending your ego abroad to re-create Hitler’s 1930 Volksdeutsche Fantasy. Volksdeutsche is German for Compassionate Conservatism.

Speaking of saber rattling, John McCain needs a blow job. If Cindy thinks of herself as too high class for rug burns on her knees, send in a willing intern, someone with a power fetish, female or male, someone who craves ill-begotten rage mixed with a salty aftertaste.

I tried watching Vladimir Putin’s press conference. But it wasn’t a press conference. When you field a series of questions for the sole purpose of tossing them aside to make room for a rant which is little more than maniacal stream-of-consciousness, you’re not in a press conference, you’re in an early, dreadfully uncomfortable workshop for a One Man Show.

Sorry to say, Vladimir, your staged production was premature.

The beats are non-existent. The controlling idea is out of control. Your intention is less intentional than it is narcissistic. The event is chaotic. The dialog is too on the nose. No one believes in the protagonist. Worst of all, “The Road To Kiev” is coming across less as the righteous journey of a hero and more as the vanity project of a head case.

The table reading was a flop. Go home, Vladimir.

I admire you for putting yourself out there. We all admire you for putting yourself out there. There’s no shame in bombing on stage. The shame is a result of not taking the meaningful lesson from your failure.

So far, it’s a $10 billion dollar disaster.

It could be worse, much worse. Take for example the notorious flop “Either You’re With Us Or Against Us,” the One Man Show of George W. Bush. It was $2.6 trillion dollar disaster. Plus $128 billion dollars, the petty cash surplus blown on craft services.

Speaking of swallowing your pride, it’s easier than you think. Day One, you’ll look bad. Day Two, you’ll wonder what the big deal was on Day One. Day Three, Matthew McConaughey will post a selfie on Twitter of himself jerking off to a rendering of his future self, and life as we know it will return to normal.

Da, Vladimir.

Be Sociable, Share!
This entry was posted in Welcome To Backwards Land and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to “The Road To Kiev” Starring Vladimir Putin

  1. Babs says:

    Comedy Centrals Jon Stewart did a funny bit of an enraged John McCain. The only problem is he is always enraged!! Remember “bomb, bomb, bomb Iran?” He has never met a war he doesn’t love. If he were President we would still be in Irag, Afghanistan, Syria, Libya, and now Russia. Our patriotic but unfortunate soldiers would be doing a gazillion tours of duty!The Repubs can raint and rail, but then ask them what they would do in Russia? They have no answers because there aren’t any! Stay the course!

    • Gregor says:

      The Law Diminishing Returns has kicked-in, when it comes to John McCain and the saber rattling GOP.

      When you’re yelling and screaming “Nobody Believes In America’s Strength Anymore,” you’ve lost it. You don’t have to scream when you’re strong.

      This is why he lost the presidency. Unfortunately, McCain refuses to take-in the lesson from his failure, which has turned him into a caricature of himself.

      Or, to quote Jon Stewart imitating John McCain, “Rah Rah Rah Rah Rah.” The man never met a war he didn’t love.

  2. Andy says:

    Well Well Well……..The US left does the right thing for once.


    • Gregor says:

      “This video is no longer available because the YouTube account associated with this video has been terminated.”

      Tried the link. That’s the message I got. Must confess, I’m curious to see your perception what the US Left got right for ONCE.

  3. Babs says:

    The left gets most things correctly and that’s why when people change their minds about most social issues they turn LEFT. Here’s an issue that has 92% approval in the US. That includes Dems and Repubs. All, of course, but the Congress, who are self interested and screw the rest of us…….

    Go to the link below for a great read!!!


    • Gregor says:

      If Massachusetts can’t be bothered updating their Peeping Tom Laws, then they should have the decency to make Stand Your Ground the law of the Commonwealth.

      If you have the right shoot up my skirt with your camera, pal, then I have the right to shoot at your nuts with my Subcompact Glock 26.

  4. Andy says:

    Liz Wahl resignation type into YouTube search.

    • Gregor says:

      I’ve heard it said, “A principle is not a principle until it costs you something.” But I’ve never seen it in action, firsthand. Wow, Liz Wahl. Wow! This reaffirms my faith in the possibility of a Post Fox News World.

  5. Andy says:

    Barbara I read the article you linked. We will NEVER relinquish our right to bear arms. In the two months after Obama was elected Americans bought enough ‘assault rifles’ to fully arm the Chinese and Indian armies combined. Who do you think is buying those rifles? Thom Hartmann? No! The right wing types own 95+ percent of the weapons in this country. If God forbid there is a major crash in the economy and the shit starts do you really want to be unarmed? Go to a gun show with Frankie and people watch, you won’t see too many Obama hats. And politically speaking if the Democrats would stop their Communist gun grabbing agenda you’d sweep the house and Senate. Howard Dean was the last Democrat I would’ve voted for and ill never forget a speech he gave when I was in Iowa. Dean was right center on guns and was catching flak from the hard left. He said look my union leaders tell me they lose 40 percent of their ranks to Republicans on the gun issue. It’s bad politics go and grab yourself a Beretta and stay safe.

    • Babs says:

      That’s what you got from that article? Wow! Sure is amazing how righties and gun nuts see things. No one wants to take away your stupid guns. The 92% of the country that want stricter gun laws wants some sanity! Watched a great episode of Mad Men last night. An argument in the office escalated to a fist fight!! A fist fight!! Today it would become an office massacre!

      • Gregor says:

        The hardest thing imaginable is letting go of a predisposition. Wish I knew why.

      • Andy says:

        Can you define what that means “stricter gun laws”? I’ve never been able to figure that out. The NRA sees any gun legislation as a slippery slope so we fight EVERYTHING. It’s sad but that’s the enemy we’re up against.

        • Gregor says:

          You guys alway leap all the way to the end game having to do with the inevitability of “stricter gun laws,” or “gun control.”

          How about a conversation? Can we have a conversation?

          Guns don’t belong in schools. Guns don’t belong in grocery stores. Guns don’t belong in the hands of people who pull guns out of the glove compartment for traffic violations.

          Don’t gimme the non-argument criminals don’t adhere to the rules. That’s hogwash.

          “Stand Your Ground” hasn’t served anyone besides pussy-ass men with a sadistic desire to hunt down and kill black teenage boys.

          But we can’t talk about it, openly, or discuss the facts, openly, because you guys lose your minds, what little minds you have.

          The right to bear arms is about rising up to overthrow the government, when the day comes, and it’s inevitable, as is written in the constitution.

          When the day finally comes, trust me, they’ll make guns illegal, for all the wrong reasons. On that day, I’ll be the first one in line, on the black market, arming myself against the tyranny of shirtless men on horseback.

          Before I do, like a true revolutionary, I’ll list my grievances. And I won’t raise a fuss about my fucking bonus points, wherever I buy my stupid gun.


  6. Andy says:

    Chicago and DC banned guns OUTRIGHT. Both very liberal cities when they had the political capital and controlled everything banned the ownership and purchase of ALL firearms. Only a supreme court case 5-4 overturned the bans. Also check out Oak Park and Winetka a city that fined a man who shot a burglar in his own fucking house. MADNESS! And no they won’t ban guns as it stands now the sky would fall. But they’ll chip away. Just facts look up DC Chicago Oak Park and Winetka.

  7. Claudia says:

    Andy, why are you so obsessed with guns? Is it the guns or the right to bear arms that has you all winded-up? I feel like you hide behind that admenent to justify your obsession.

    Does having a gun make you feel powerful? Look all of us are complex human beings. Yes, all of us! Even those of us who believe ourselves to be non complicated. We are actually worse because our passion is not only our strengths but also our weakness. Which I find it to be a stupid contradiction. Anyways, I think all you want is to be safe however safety for you is to have the right to bear arms but in doing that would you not be compromising the safety of others?

  8. Andy says:

    Claudia while I appreciate you psycho-analyzing me the right is God given and sacred. Free speech, right to assemble, right to liberty, right to free enterprise, right to a decent trial, right to privacy and the right to protect all these sacred rights by force in an extreme case. Unfortunately there are people that live in this country that hate everything it stands for and would like to take a wrecking ball and smash the very structure of this great land of ours. They’re organized, hateful, bankrolled in the billions and deadly serious.

    Despite hideous Marxist propaganda I and MILLIONS of NRA members are fully committed to gun safety (Google Eddie the Eagle) and keeping guns out of the hands of criminals. Did you know the NRA spends 1 million dollars a year teaching children gun safety and the justice department has admitted it’s the most effective program in the nation?

    If you want to get an idea of what I mean by propaganda watch the link below. Even though these boys went out of business in the 90′s this is a fascinating look at hard left propaganda from a high ranking defector. I always appreciate your insight Claudia let me know how you like the link.


    • Babs says:

      The biggest falsehood is your first sentence. There is no “GOD” given right. Do you think GOD wrote the constitution? And the only thing the nra is doing now is trying to bring in children with their pink guns and cartoon characters on killing machines. The nra is looking to new memberships!! A sad commentary!!

  9. Andy says:

    Ooops…..Watch the link from the beginning for some reason it linked to half way through the video.

  10. Claudia says:

    Andy, I apologize if I came across as if I was psycho-analyzing you. I think in emotions. Everyone of our actions, words, and thought process are motivated by emotions. Our society teaches us not to tap into them to act accordingly, have a filter, be appropriate and all that jazz. Although, all those things are important to a certain extent being true to yourself should take priority.
    I personally hate passive-aggressive people. But if you stand up in the middle of a crowed room you can see we are surrounded by them. People tell you what you want to hear.
    Anyways, here I go again rambling on.
    I saw the video but to be honest I was bored out of my mind. So, I stopped listening after 5 minutes. I couldn’t see past the 1970′s get up.
    I do understand your point but sometimes it sounds like a conspiracy theory melodrama.
    I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to be in this Country and have the same rights afforded to me. But the reality is I’m always going to be view as a immigrant and the stereotypes that come with it.
    I see it in business deals, networking, and in social dating. I always feel like I need to proof myself ten times more than the average. Anyways, I’m off topic. I feel too much of anything becomes an obsession.

    • Gregor says:

      That was a fascinating exchange.

      For the record, Claudia, your observations didn’t come across as psycho-babble. Your observations came across as good writing, to me.

      I like how there was no name calling. I like how you were respectful of each other, even though you clearly disagree.

      In the world of blogging, at least in this world of blogging, there’s no such thing as being “off topic.”

      Some people are comfortable writing from facts, in other words, facts which serve a predisposition. Some people are comfortable writing from emotion, in other words, tearing themselves open to see what’s inside.

      I clearly land on the side of emotion. But I’m working on getting a handle on it, since I’ve been thinking a lot about this observation, “We have to learn how to counter intuition in those areas where it’s likely to lead us astray.”

      Thank you, Claudia. Thank you, 8Andy. For putting yourselves out there.

  11. harris says:

    Wow. Great piece.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>