The Last Bubble: Legal Fees

Going to law school is like having root canal.

But instead of extracting a dead root, law schools extract your conscience. Want to make a fantastic living? Here’s what you do: go to law school, have your conscience yanked.

In the same way dot com was a bubble, in the same way housing was a bubble, legal fees are a bubble. Legal fees have nothing to do with reality.

Take for example Filing A Motion.

It sounds important: “Filing A Motion.” When in fact, it’s nothing more than paper-pushing. A senior associate writes a note, a junior associate passes the note to the courthouse and the firm charges $550 per/hour for 11-minutes of paper-pushing.

Take for example An Appearance.

It sounds important: “An Appearance.” When in fact, it’s nothing more than a lawyer standing in front of a judge, with the unfair advantage of having familiarity, since lawyers spend their days shuffling their feet in front of judges while the rest of us in the real world scramble to make an honest living by creating jobs where payroll is actually earned by doing something of substance. Lawyers sit around in the swiveling chairs of courthouses and the firm charges $550 per/hour for 3-minutes of chit-chat, leading to the magic word, “Continued.”

It’s the hustle, the big hustle: “Continued.”

The longer they can prolong the nonsense, the bigger the bank. The longer they can dial up the drama, the bigger the bank. The longer they can exacerbate the inane, the bigger the bank.

But keep this in mind: you don’t gain access to the bank without acceptance in the club. Take for example Pro Se.

It sounds important: “Pro Se.” When in fact, if you have the mistaken assumption there’s justice in the rule of law, you’re on the way to being hounded by a collection agency. There’s nothing which inflames the hemorrhoids of a judge more than representing yourself in court, Pro Se, against a trained lawyer, Esquire, who knows how to properly kiss a judge’s fat fucking ass.

It’s a club. And you’re not in the club until your pesky conscience has been extracted.

Ted Cruz is a lawyer. Chris Christie is a lawyer. Hillary Clinton is a lawyer. Barack Obama is a lawyer. Lately, after reading a blowhard article written in the Harvard Law Review entitled “Limits on the Treaty Power” by Ted Cruz, after watching a 2-hour press conference where Chris Christie danced around taking responsibility for using traffic lanes on the George Washington Bridge as political payback, after pausing to consider another 2-terms of Clinton Fatigue, after pausing to consider the exhausting 2-terms of Barack Hussein Obama, the Mediator-In-Chief, I’ve been asking myself this: are we best served by people trained to exacerbate the utterly inane?

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11 Responses to The Last Bubble: Legal Fees

  1. Babs says:

    Some of my best friends are lawyers!! And I’m always amazed at how little they really know about the world around them. Talk about bubbles! Law has become not about the law, not about the truth, not about fact finding, but about 2 lawyers getting together to divide up their clients and get their fees! No honor in it anymore.

    • Gregor says:

      I love ideas. And there’s no idea I love more than justice. I’m not so sure the courts have ever been set-up for justice.

      Look who they elevate: Alan Dershowitz & Megyn Kelly.

      It’s an insider game, day traders should demand even footing, where insider trading is treated as the same forgone conclusion as hiring the right questionable lawyer with the right questionable relationship with the right questionable judge.

      Hocus Pocus!

  2. Alec Baldwin says:

    Look what my wife did to me.

  3. Andy says:

    Brave Mexican people fighting drug lords. Pig Mexican government trying to disarm the people. Thank God in heaven for the 2nd!

    • Gregor says:

      No Me Gusta.

      I think you’re over-simplifying an incredibly tragic and complex situation. I understand the desire to rectify the complex situation in Syria and Israel. But I wonder, sometimes, why there’s not more emphasis to solve the horrific drug related crime in our own hemisphere. Mexico could use help stabilizing the problem, unlike Syria and Israel, I think Mexico would appreciate the help.

  4. Andy says:

    Peter Hitchens wrote a great book on the war England never fought on drugs. They basically decriminalized drugs (they only didn’t do it in law because of treaty obligations) and they have 300k people parked on Methadone. Drug usage has skyrocketed in the past 20 years-especially heroin. This Ron Paul/Liberal legalize everything is a horrible policy. I don’t know what’s going on between Israel and Syria there have been a few border scrimmages and they hit a reactor in 2007 but other that that it’s been pretty quiet. How would we help Mexico with their drug war?

    • Gregor says:

      I don’t know. We don’t even hear about it. There’s so much prestige on the line in far away places like Syria, Israel and Sochi for the Olympic Games.

      Need I remind everyone, they’re games, they’re Olympic Games, but games, nonetheless.

      Seems to me, from what little information I’ve had access to, and it’s embarrassingly small, the drug problem in Mexico has created a war zone for the people of Mexico.

      I disagree about decriminalizing drugs being bad policy. I think it’s good policy. Why turn a problem into a crime? But simply decriminalizing drugs, and leaving it at that is another example of oversimplifying an incredibly complex problem.

      Mister Over-Simplification, Ron Paul, tends to be a joke. But even a joke like Ron Paul can bring something to the table. Just don’t expect him to do anything besides jerk-off on the constitution, once things started getting nuanced. He’s a child.

  5. Vince says:

    Stop bitching and moaning. You had a lawyer charge you only $550/hour? That is a cheap lawyer.

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