Polar Vortex? Beam Me Up, Scotty!

5:35AM this morning, on the way to work, NPR announced Chicago was in a “Polar Vortex,” where temperatures could drop as low as 45 degrees below zero.

It was so cold…how cold was it? It was so cold, salt wasn’t working on the roads. Driving to work, my top speed was 15 MPH.

It was so cold…how cold was it? It was so cold, Chase didn’t bother opening their branch. When it’s too cold for bankers to make money on deposits, you can bet there’s a windfall coming on bounced check fees.

It was so cold…how cold was it? It was so cold, last night in my sleep, I couldn’t get the top of my head warm. My subconscious was so freaked out, I dreamt I died and mom was so pissed off at me, she fired the woman playing organ at my funeral, calling her organ playing skills “atrocious.”

Little known fact: mom is a discerning connoisseur of pipe organs.

My cousin Stacey wanted to close Max’s Deli, seeing little opportunity for business. My brother Joey wanted to open Max’s Deli, seeing a gathering spot in the community as a vital role we fulfill in addition to business.

I agreed with Stacey.

I also agreed with Joey.

It’s not like Joey won and Stacey lost, since in the name of pastrami, I braved the Polar Vortex. There are no perfect answers; and when the world stops making sense, I’ve found the only thing I can do, to fight through the need to make sense out of senselessness, is show up.

I don’t need to understand. I need to show up. I don’t need to pick sides. I need to show up. I don’t need to pat myself on the back, or be right, or win. I need to show up.

It’s too cold to think. In fact, if you’ll excuse my language, the only thought I seem capable of holding in my head is this…

Fuck It’s Cold.

I need to work on my mental discipline. There are bigger things to think about, like: Bashar al-Assad being a sadistic son-of-a-bitch, Vladimir Putin being a homophobic son-of-a-bitch, congress returning from vacation to get back to the important work of bickering about extending unemployment benefits while bankers wipe their asses on bonuses courtesy of TARP (Troubled Asshole Relief Program). Excuse my language.

Fuck It’s Cold.

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5 Responses to Polar Vortex? Beam Me Up, Scotty!

  1. Babs says:

    This just in! Violence & crime waaay down. Domestic violence rising! Cabin fever brings out the truth in relationships!!!

    • Gregor says:

      Feeling trapped is stressful. It’s not a feeling you can share. It’s something you have to push through, which is challenging, at 45 degrees below zero.

  2. Claudia says:

    -45 is crazy.. what I’m doing here.. I should’ve stayed in California.
    Stay warm.. blankets are a better option than people…
    As a former DV counselor, yes DV rises whether hot or cold. It reminds me of the poem by Robert Frost… Fire and Ice.

    • Gregor says:

      A counselor for Domestic Violence? Man oh Man, if that doesn’t flip the switch to “off” when it comes to love, I don’t know what does.

      Yes, for sure, blankets over people. Unless the fighting gets you hot, which seems to be the case for most people, unfortunately.

  3. Babs says:

    We here in Arizona also had a chilly day. It was only 68 degrees!!!

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