It’s Called A J-O-B

Crazy is contagious. So is divorce. So is insanity, only you don’t catch insanity from your children, you catch it from having sex with nutjobs.

Breast Implants are for nutjobs. They send a signal, “Look At Me, Look At Me, Look At Me.” A 4-door Porsche is for nutjobs. It sends a signal, “Look At Me, Look At Me, Look At Me.” Gated communities are for nutjobs. They send a signal, “Keep Away World, I Have A Gate.”

Recently, I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine, who was trying to convince me she was struggling. She lives in her second gorgeous home, which is bigger than I could ever fill.

Her loving boyfriend recently got her a Convertible Bug, for no other reason than it was her favorite car and she needed something playful to tool around in.

Her 3-boys are endlessly lovable, even when they’re being brats, especially when they’re being brats. But it’s not enough. It’s never enough.

I understand the desire to take what you can get. But it’s a desire best left in your first marriage.

Speaking of marriage, yesterday Illinois passed Marriage Equality, making it the 15th state in the United States of America to pass Marriage Equality.

15 states out of 50.

Am I supposed to be happy about the 15?

Or baffled by the 35?

A couple weeks ago, I was on the elliptical machine at the gym. A woman I’d seen around the gym got on the elliptical machine to my right. We’d been flirting, and I think she wanted to have a prolonged conversation, with a guarantee of elevated heart rates.

She brought the conversation around to my girlfriend. I told her I didn’t have one. She brought the conversation around to marriage. I told her I’d never been married. She asked why. I told her marriage felt like an exclusive club and I didn’t want to belong to an exclusive club.

She asked if it was a gay thing I was talking about. I told her it was a gay thing I was talking about. She asked if I was gay. I told her, “If you can’t tell what I am by the way I’ve been looking at you, then you’re blind, toots.”

She didn’t like me calling her toots. Which was fine, since I didn’t feel like flirting anymore. I found her tone of voice, and line of questioning, off-putting.

I got off the elliptical machine and hit the basketball court, determined to work on my free throw. I use free throws to set my shot, it re-awakens my body’s understanding of proximity to the basket.

This is a fancy pants way of saying it shuts out the world by focusing my attention.

Focus is earned. So is a big house. So is a Convertible Bug. Otherwise, you’re living your life chasing a result without any understanding of how hard it is to get there.

It’s supposed to be hard. How else do you figure out the difference between being a boy and a being man or a being a girl and being a woman, toots?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my other job. My other-other job. I have three jobs. One pays my bills. One pays my dues. And my other-other job is for me to know and you to find out.

You heard me right. It’s called being a grown-ass man.

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7 Responses to It’s Called A J-O-B

  1. Andy says:

    My little hero. Please subscribe to her channel and watch her beautiful videos. Dear Lord isn’t she precious!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy1ATuZks9g

    • Gregor says:

      I don’t see how kids belong shooting guns. It’s the same thing with cars. I remember when I started driving, at 16. I had no understanding of how dangerous I was behaving on the road. To me it was a toy. I’m lucky I didn’t kill someone.

      Aren’t there better ways to spend your time lifting the confidence of your daughter? Aren’t there better ways to bond? What’s this attraction to violence?

      This video exactly underscores the problem I have with guns: we don’t own-up to the enormous responsibility.

      Gun ownership isn’t a human right. Gun ownership is a privilege. Abuse the privilege, it should be taken away. This so-called father should have his gun privileges revoked until he’s visited every family in America who lost someone to gun violence in 2013.

      Sorry, Andy. But you can’t hold up the sacred obligation of guns while at the same time treating the sacred obligation like a fucking toy at an amusement park.

      You have to be a certain height to ride certain rides. You have to be a certain age, with a complex understanding of what you’re aiming at other people, before you can handle a lethal weapon.

  2. vince says:

    How disgusting. I have two daughters. They are learning, and excelling at, basketball, tennis, piano and art. Only a fucking retard, like Andy, would do this to a child. This is very sad. KKK nuts, like Andy, pass on their ways, thinking they are right and that they are helping their kids prepare for the future race war.

    Andy, news flash: the race war happened and you lost. The homosexual war happened and you also lost. Nuts like Andy should be sterilized.

  3. vince says:

    By the way, she is only 13. Sad sad sad.

    I would doubt that all of her targets are of Obama and other blacks.

  4. vince says:

    Meant to write “I wouldn’t doubt that all of the targets she shoots are pictures of Obama and other black men.”

  5. Andy says:

    Vince all this talk about KKK you obviously have a lot of white guilt raising your daughters in the most segregated area of society while preaching diversity. Race war you moron? She’s a young shooting prodigy. Her father is an active Army Master Sgt and head of marksmanship for Missouri State National Guard. But your stupidity Vince serves a great purpose. Guys like Vince are the people who control the press, Hollywood and pop culture . They hate everything decent about America-our faith our guns our heritage our constitution. They look at Katelin and don’t see a talented beautiful young lady but someone who’s slipped through the cracks of their North Korean like propaganda system designed solely to indoctrinate young people that their country is shit, their faith is shit, their heritage is shit and on and on. But I’ll call you Vince today not what I usually call you and you know why? Because your hatred is on display and you’re actually being honest for a change.

  6. Babs says:

    Vince correct Andy wrong

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