Chris Christie: Fat, Drunk (On Himself), And Stupid

Chris Christie was asked what he would do if he found out his son was gay. Would he change his position on Gay Marriage?

Chris Christie said he’d give his son a hug. And then tell him, “Daddy thinks marriage is between one man and one woman. Now run along and spend a lifetime chasing the shadow of Matthew Shepard, you little faggot.”

This was supposed to be a debate for the Governorship of New Jersey, the big show. But the questions were little more than lobs.

Who cares what Chris Christie thinks about Gay Marriage? Who? Seriously. Who?

I’d like to hear what Chris Christie thinks about obese politicians sending a signal it’s perfectly acceptable to let yourself go, and put such an enormous strain on your body, it’s only a matter of time until you put an enormous strain on the health care system.

I’d like to hear what Chris Christie thinks about Fat Marriage, since last time I checked-in with God, a few weeks ago, when I was in Rome, God let me know he was opposed to Fat Marriage.

As for Gay Marriage, God said talking about Gay Marriage was as irrelevant as talking about Inter-Racial Marriage. “Love is love,” God said. “But Fat Marriage is an abomination.”

I’d like to hear what Chris Christie thinks about shutting up, doing his job and getting this particular point across to his party of nitwits: Affordable Care is a Human Right and it’s time to drop the schtick of “ObamaCare Is Worse Than Slavery,” and implement a process for effectively delivering Affordable Care to the people who voted for President Obama, not once, but twice, with majorities bigger than Chris Christie’s waistline.

I’d like to hear what Chris Christie thinks about his waistline. And debate the actual size of Chris Christie’s waistline.

If he thinks it’s none of my damn business, and I’m guilty of Fat Shaming, then I’d like give Chris Christie a hug. And tell him, “Gregor thinks being fat is a choice. Unlike being gay. Unlike being homophobic. Unlike being a nitwit. Now run along. Oh, I’m sorry. I mean waddle along. And spend a lifetime chasing the shadow of Richard Simmons, you fat fuck.”

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2 Responses to Chris Christie: Fat, Drunk (On Himself), And Stupid

  1. Vince says:

    Chris should be more lie Putin. He should show up everywhere with his shirt off. He should slap and rub his hair belly as he ponders tough questions. Be the belly. He could argue gay equality is so yesterday. Fat people are the new, in group to fight for their equal rights.

    Donuts are too small, Chris can eat one in a single bite. They were made for yesterday’s small body type. The hula hoop is too small. Chris can use the traditional one as a belt. Obvious discrimination against round body types. I will be his lawyer and make this a class action for all round body types against the hula hoop. There are too few all you can eat restaurants. A plate at tradional places is merely an appetizer for Chris.

    Equal rights for roundies.

    • Gregor says:

      “Equal Rights For Roundies.” That should be a campaign for Fruit Of The Loom.

      I must say, Vince, I find it very brave that you, as a lawyer, would put on display the legal thinking behind a Class Action Lawsuit. Especially when Tea Party Leader Rick Scarborough is planning a Class Action Lawsuit against “homosexuality.” No joke…

      Amazing how we tie up the legal system with hocus pocus. It was the same tactic with the 42 votes against The Affordable Care Act. It was little more than a show.

      I’ve grown to hate the overeducated, overpaid liars who make a living by tying up our courts and reducing the idea of justice to a sham.

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