Mom put too much ricotta in the lasagna, trying to please Dad. I didn’t particularly enjoy the lasagna. But I appreciated her desire to make Dad happy.

I stuck around New York City an extra 2-days. My college roommate, Vince, was going to be in the city with his wife. I certainly wasn’t part of their romantic getaway. But I appreciated her desire to make Vince happy by giving us the afternoon to fart around.

Over 21-years ago, Grandpa Bernie started Max’s Deli. He had no intention for me to give-up chasing the dream in exchange for peddling bagels. But I’m thankful for the opportunity to turn bagels into gold, even if it’s fool’s gold.

When you stop to give thanks, it’s corny. We don’t usually shower affection, unless it’s at a funeral, and the person we’re going on about is already in an urn.

This week, we’re supposed to give thanks. What a pain in the ass.

My brother says I’m a “regret guy.” Some people wrestle with addiction. Some people wrestle with ADD. Some people wrestle with a life dedicated to finding the short cut, even though, I’m sorry to say, the short cut, like God, doesn’t exist.

My brother says I wrestle with regret. Only it’s not true. I don’t wrestle with regret. I’m thoughtful, which gives me the appearance of wrestling with regret.

I don’t regret anything: all the kisses I mistook as genuine affection, all the years making atonal noise in bands destined to not even make the t-shirt rack in a trendy thrift store, all the improv comedy clubs where “support” was a myth and “stepping-up” was stepping on the neck of the nearest person you were “supporting,” all the friends in advertising who turned-out to be nothing more than intoxicating liars, the $96,000.00 dollars I spent being hustled by Newsweb Corporation only to be summarily cast-off the microphone, sued and hunted down by the FBI’s top-10 biggest investigative losers.

All of it was worth it. No regrets.

Having said that, I appreciate my brother’s observation. It’s hard to diagnose your blind spots. Even though, I’m not so naïve as to think he didn’t say it to push my buttons. Joey wrestles with button pushing. He thinks he’s funny. He is.

Joey is the most naturally funny person I’ve ever known. Even though, he’s never stopped long enough to diagnose the expression on the face of the person he’s button pushing. If he did, if he ever bothered, if he cut out the button pushing, and let his natural charm ring through, he’d mature into the kind of guy who’d make a pretty spectacular family man.

The problem with being thankful is it forces you to look back, while at the same time, forecasting your intentions. This process can be as fruitless as signing-up for Jenny Craig. It’s easy to want to lose weight. It’s hard to follow-through. If it was easy, Jenny Craig would go out of business.

Truth is, Jenny Craig counts on you not counting calories. Your weight loss intention, built upon the guarantee of zero follow-through, is the business model for turning empty calories into gold. You might call her a bitch. But I call Jenny Craig “entrepreneurial.”

In today’s world, fool’s gold is the gold standard.

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12 Responses to Thanks

  1. harris says:

    This blog is like life…you are not sure exactly how you got here or where its going but it seems familiar and makes you smile. Cheers to Joey and his button pushing and too much Rictotta in the salami, I kid, I mean lasagna and the entrepreneurial bitch named Jenny Craig and of course thanks for Thanks giving while we are all still here.

  2. Vince says:

    I’m thankful Romney lost the election. I’m thankful there seems to be a movement away from radical right thinking. I’m thankful to see Grover Norquist trying to save himself, rather than being the bully. I’m thankful Hillary stayed on, for now. I’m thankful Obama seems to be acting like a centrist rather than a neo-con light (little dubya). I’m thankful this blog is here so idiots like Andy and I have a place to write our drivel. I’m thankful Frank once took me for a ride in his racing Corvette around the track at Seabring (I sould have been the driver).

    • Gregor says:

      I’m thankful we don’t have a Mormon President. I’m thankful the Grover on K Street has been exposed as a sadistic, unAmerican puppet. I’m thankful Obama gets a 2nd term of being called Mister President (even though he wasn’t born here). I’m thankful idiots like Vince & Andy still show-up to make comments under my idiotic blogs. I’m thankful gas prices keep going up, since maybe it’ll help my dad snap out of his fetish for driving in circular traffic at incredibly high speeds and calling it a “sport.”

  3. Vince says:

    I shot my first turkey yesterday. Scared the hell out of all the people in the frozen section.

  4. Babs says:

    I had to stop and think. Do I want to be honest and corny and have Greg make shit out of me or leave it alone? Alittle of both. So here goes. I’m thankful for my main man of 49 years, most good! I don’t know what I knew at 20 that made it work, but it did. I’m thankful for my 2 hard working, kind (1 of them) and handsome (both of them) sons. I’m thankful for my wonderful lifelong family and friends. And finally, I’m thankful that the majority of citizens saw through the BS and voted for our intellectually brilliant and hard working President. God bless (if there is a God) you all!!

    • Gregor says:

      I’m thankful Mom isn’t too brave to let down her guard and dare to be corny. I’m thankful Mom didn’t abort (at least once). I’m thankful to have finally let go of the dream and embrace the opportunity afforded to me of working along side of my passionate brother and loving cousin. I’m thankful The Right Wing spent a ton of dough on manufacturing a crisis absolutely no one bought into.

      God bless you. God bless all of you.

      Today, there is a God. You know why? Because today, I believe. Turns out, belief, in yourself, in your parents, in your friendships (some of which stretch all the way back to a loft in a fraternity house on the edge of frat row), it’s belief that’s divine. Oh, and what you do with your time. The rest is for Steven Spielberg to make into a schmaltzy movie.

  5. Andy says:

    Oy Vey Gaza is right. This shit never ends. I wish the UN would have put Israel on the West coast of Australia.

  6. Ghost of Rabin says:

    I think Israel wishes the palestinians were more like the Native Americans, and would just get hooked on alcohol and surrender. Amazing how jews got killed because of their race and Israel is a racist apartheid country. If you are jewish you can go to israel and right away get a 10,000 dollar stipend and housing.If that is not racist I do not know what is.

    • Gregor says:

      The Trail of Tears, The Warsaw Ghetto, Apartheid and what’s currently going on in Gaza. I’m amazed by how easy it is to call someone else “savage,” and create a mindset that says we’d be better off by simply “wiping em off the face of the earth.”

      46664. That’s the prison number of Nelson Mandela. They called him a “terror loving terrorist.” But really, he was a young guy who was done playing nice with a system rigged to keep him locked in poverty, 2nd class citizenship and hopelessness.

  7. MARIE says:


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