Memo To Barack Obama, Candidate For President

1) Fire John Kerry

2) Hire Bill Clinton

3) Fight To Win

This isn’t a sparring match. This isn’t a warm-up fight. This is the championship bout. If you’re going to lay-up against the ropes, you still have to come-off the ropes. And put your opponent away.

I don’t want to explain your strategy to my mom, who was pacing from room-to-room during the debate, wondering what was going on. I don’t want to reply to Vince, who sent me a text message saying, “A silent win. Not sexy or great on TV.” I don’t want to listen to David Plouffe explain your strategy with dry spit collecting in the corner of his lips, which is the surest sign even he doesn’t believe what he’s saying.

After the debate, I wanted to celebrate. After the debate, I didn’t want to worry about you, Barack.

Your performance lacked any awareness of theater. Or should I say theatre? It was naïve. You looked like George Bush Senior, as if you wanted to check your watch to see how long it was before you could go back to The White House, where everyone stands-up when you walk in the room.

Listen, Barack. On stage, during the debates, you’re not the president. You’re the democratic candidate who’s running to be president.

Strategically, I get it. You treated Mitt Romney like a slow child who was yelling a litany of insanity into your face. Instead of further humiliating this mentally challenged emotional invalid, with infinite patience and grace, you kept your composure, waiting for his surrogate mommy, Ann, to lead Mitt away from the stage he had no business being on in the first place, where he could safely put back on his helmet. And board the slow bus.

Strategically, I get it. But here’s the truth: you were confronting a bully who was representing absolutely every other bully who’s disrespected you for 4-years, and by proxy, disrespected all of us who root for you, vote for you and love you.

We needed you to stand-up. We needed you to fight back. We needed you to kick the living shit out of Mitt Fucking Romney and his Professional Hate Machine.

When Mitt Romney said you get to have your own house and plane, but not your own facts, how about replying he gets to have a mansion since birth, an elevator in his garage, a plane with his name on it and a wife with a million dollar horise, but he doesn’t get to pretend the whole Birther Thing was anything other than a strategy, set in motion, a long-long-long time ago, of race baiting, by creeps like Lee Atwater.

For those of you who don’t know, here’s a little story I like to call, “Lee Atwater: American Scumbag.” Lee was a republican operative. He worshipped at the alter of “The Daisy Girl Ad,” which aired only once, and destroyed the candidacy of Barry Goldwater. Lee penned “The Willie Horton Ad,” which destroyed the candidacy of Michael Dukakis.

Here’s Lee, speaking from the heart, or whatever it was Lee had, instead of a heart: “You start out in 1954 by saying Nigger, Nigger, Nigger. By 1968, you can’t say Nigger. That hurts you. It backfires. So you say stuff like Forced Busing. You say stuff like State’s Rights. But you’re getting abstract. Now you’re talking about Cutting Taxes, and all these things you’re talking about are totally economic things; and a byproduct of them is blacks get hurt worse than whites. Subconsciously, maybe that’s part of it. I’m not saying that. But I’m saying if it’s getting abstract, and coded, we’re doing away with The Racial Problem one way or the other. You follow me? Because obviously, sitting around saying We Want To Cut This is much more abstract than even The Busing Thing. And a hell of a lot more abstract than Nigger, Nigger, Nigger.”

This is the foundation of Birtherism.

Incidentally, just before he died, Lee Atwater publicly apologized for his behavior. I know in my heart I speak on behalf of everyone with a conscience when I say this, “Fuck you, Lee. Fuck your apology. While you’re in Hell, say hi to Osama bin Laden and Jerry Falwell.”

This is what you’re up against. This is who you’re up against. The time for negotiating is over. The time for schmoozing is past. You extended your hand. They returned the favor by swinging with a fist. Swing back. Swing back hard. Swing back so hard, you knock Mitt Romney off the stage he had no business being on in the first place.

Win, Barack. Damn It, Win.

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38 Responses to Memo To Barack Obama, Candidate For President

  1. Vince says:

    Obama will still win, in the end. The real disappointment I have is that Obama should have delivered a knockout punch to Romney and opened up a huge lead. With an enormous win, he would have come into his second term with a strong mandate. He would have also brought along many sentate and house seats.

    Obama has to figure out how to win big right away.

    • Gregor says:

      This was a text message from an unnamed source at 10:07 PM last night, “Romney did well. But the win is getting the undecided, hard thinking, looking for specifics voter. Obama wins. He spoke to the undecided 7% by showing a plan. And lack of a real plan by Romney.”

      This was a text message from the same unnamed source at 5:33AM this morning, “Maybe I’m totally delusional and Mitt kicked ass.”

      What a difference less than a day makes.

  2. Steven Hymowitz says:

    Yesterday, I was getting an oil change, and there were magazines there. I picked one up and there was an interview with Barack and Michelle Obama. The magazine was dated September 17th, so I’ll guess it was from around Sep 1. At the end, they were talking about their 20th anniversery and Barack made a “joke” how it was a month before the election so I don think we could do that much, but if we can, we will go to Naps and listed other high scale vacation spots. Michelle said she would settle for a nice dinner at this point. The key is she said, Ok handlers out there, remember the date Oct 3. So I guess the debate had not been scheduled for that night. Remember what Barack said first thing in the debate, apologizing to Michelle for having to celebrate their anniversary at the debate. How did it end up on that day? My guess is she really was pissed off and zapped his energy. I have had many bad simlilar experiences. Plus, he’s been on the job and probably is over it. I actually think he did very well but Mitt seems to want it more and did much better than expected because he showed compassion for the first time.

    • Gregor says:

      Between Al Gore’s assertion of altitude sickness and Conspiracy Steve’s assertion of anniversary abuse, I think we’re all starting to see what was really going on.

      I happen to agree, by the way. I think President Obama did a great job. But I listened. And I like wonky debates. I’m tired of personal attacks and using social issues to create a boogie man.

      Turns out, President Obama’s intuition was dead-on. If he’d made an attack on the 47% comment, Governor Romney was prepared to say he was “entirely wrong,” which would’ve turned things upside down, making Governor Romney look humble and President Obama seem petty.

      • Ashu says:

        Romney is a flip flopping grsaey politician. He is no different than John Kerry relatively polished ..changes opinion with changes in the wind ..he is not what we need. Guliani, who did a great job in the city of NY .is a bully. He always has been .and he resorts back to that nature when he feels threatened. McCain whom I respect greatly, is just too old to win the general. Voters want younger, more appealing candidates. Thompson is an arrogant , out of touch old geezer ..the only guy in the GOP field who really has a chance is Huckabee. I have been callign for this guy to be the candidate for more than a year .he is the class of the field.

  3. Babs says:

    Was President Obamas opening, “Happy anniversary, sweetie, and I promise that next year it won’t be in front of 40 million people,” his way of saying I’m over it? Because, that’s how I read it. Thom Hartman of WCPT Radio said Mitt spoke for 38 minutes and told 27 outright lies. So what? If the majority of watchers felt Romney lied but won, so what? I’m voting for our President again. I think he’s doing a good job in very difficult times. I’m glad he’s got a cool hand on this difficult job. But enough Cool Hand Luke! As the Nike ad says, JUST DO IT!

  4. Andy says:

    Hussein may not care. Either way, he’s good. If he loses, he moves back to Chicago, watches his kids go through high school, writes a book, maybe a lecture here and there. If he wins, he’s a 2-term president. Michelle told the French First Lady, “This is Hell.” She may want to go back to Chicago.

    Barbara, Thom Hartmann is an out-and-out Criminal Communist. He does a show, The Big Picture On RT, which is treason.

    • Gregor says:

      Here’s how you know President Obama lost the debate: Al Gore says it’s altitude sickness, Conspiracy Steve says it’s anniversary abuse, Prop8Andy says Michelle misses sweet home Chicago.

      There’s talk about Mitt Romney cheating, since he snuck a cheat-sheet into the debate, which is against the rules. But I don’t see it as cheating. I see it as ambitious. When you’re running to be in charge, sometimes you have to break the rules to set things straight.

      At least Mitt wanted it.

  5. Andy says:

    By the way, Greg, The Goodman Theatre is running “Sweet Bird of Youth.” I got dragged to the play. And loved it! I know you like the artsy scene. Have you ever been to The Goodman? What a gorgeous venue.

    • Gregor says:

      I’m artsy, for sure. Been to The Steppenwolf, where I saw “Pillowman” by Martin McDonagh, which was pure genius. I was laughing at things that were so dark, it was hard to believe I was laughing.

      Always meant to see a show at The Goodman. But nothing ever pulled me in. Maybe this is it: “Sweet Bird Of Youth.” Thanks for the tip. I’ll check it out.

      By the way, Thom Hartmann isn’t guilty of out-and-out treason. He’s guilty of over-the-top boringness.

  6. Andy says:

    I’m not firing for effect. RT is revenge for Voice of America. It’s the propoganda arm of the FSB (new KGB).

    The hosts are mostly Russian expats who grew up in the US. Aylona, who I want to, well…you know – has absolutely no accent. You’d never know she was Russian. Aylona’s mom was a gold medal skater for the Soviet Union. It’s 1-thing to be a guest. But hosting is borderline treason.

    I’m going to New York to see “Book of Mormon.” It’s supposed to be the best play in 25-years. It won 9 Tonys. I know you want to see that one!

  7. Vince says:

    I saw Book of Mormon the first month it was out. Amazing show. Probably a little to headsie for Andy.

    It is perfect that you have the hots for a Russian Woman with no noticable accent, Andy. You have total contempt and hatred for a broadcaster having a Russian Accent. Even Woody Allen couldn’t make-up such a great character, with so many perfect flaws, like you.

  8. Andy says:

    Shithead lawyer trick #125641. Russian Accents are fine, Communist Progandists aren’t. And you look-up to Woody Allen, the child rapist? I shouldnt be surprised.

  9. Vince says:

    Woody Allen is a fantastic story teller who has exceptional skills at character development. I admire those skills. I look up to very few people. I look up to you, Andy. I admire the simplicity of a fools life.

    • Gregor says:

      I look up to everyone who graces this blog: 8Andy is candid, Vince is funny, Steven is researched to death, Babs is honest to a fault, Joey makes the hard stuff look easy and Frank is, well, brutal.

  10. Vince says:

    Is it POSSIBLE the Moderate, the “True Mitt,” is coming out?

    He had to go Far Right to get the nomination. Once in office, he IS the PRESIDENT. He wold then be the Decider In Chief. Maybe, he has fooled all of us, on both sides, and now…the real Mitt is here: Middle Mitt. Kind of like Clinton, just not as great a politician?

    • Gregor says:

      Hey, it took 2-terms and surviving impeachment for Clinton to become the master politician he is today. I like your theory of “Middle Mitt.” Truth is, winners do whatever it takes to get where they need to go.

      To secure the Republican Nomination, Mitt had to earn his conservative bona fides. To win the Presidency, Mitt has to woo undecided voters.

      Truth is, at the 1st debate, Mitt’s hair never looked better. Never underestimate Good Hair, look how far it took Reagan.

  11. Andy says:

    Admiring a child molester. The People rest you unmentionable piece of filth.

  12. Larry Flynt says:

    Woody Allen didn’t marry a child. Woody Allen married his “adult adopted daughter.” As for The People, they’ll vilify anyone with a healthy sex drive. But they won’t touch war mongering profiteers who make a fortune killing brown people, self-hating homosexuals who distort the constitution to erroneously institutionalize 2nd class citizenship, or Ted Nugent.

    Nice try, Andy.

    You might not like Woody Allen. You might not like who Woody Allen married. But the fact is, in the world of Dysfunctional Family Values, Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn are married, with children, for better or worse.

    I’d say for worse. But then again, I’m an easily vilified guy who makes an enormous living by selling orgasms to unhappily married men who don’t have the balls to fight for their happiness, like Woody Allen.

  13. Vince says:

    There’s a sad truth about American Life that most try to pretend isn’t there.

    Life is like a Bell Curve, most are in the middle, just plain old ordinary people leading meaningless, pathetic lives (like Andy).

    But things could be worse. Andy could lose that job selling ass wipe. He could move on down to the lower part of that Bell Curve. There, things are really bad. Way too many live there.

    They are almost hopeless. The chances NOW of getting out are slim.

    The Right Wing wants it that way. That’s why they want to kill education. That’s why they want to kill any program that helps people move up. They’re sure happy helping-out Billionaires.

    The Right Wing thinks of people like Andy as a Cancer on Society: they should be cut out.

    • Kurban says:

      Mark, it reminds me of the 1996 caipamgn. The Clinton’s and Democrats had serious concerns about only one potential GOP candidate, Lamar Alexander. They were truly fearful of running against him due to his experience and appeal. He was well spoken, insightful, intelligence. So what did the GOP do, we nominated Bob Dole. I have alot of respect or Dole, but he had no apeal to independents and younger voters never stood much of a chance. If the GOP nominates anyone but Huckabee, its a loss.

  14. Andy says:

    Go chase an ambulance you degenerate swindler. Everyone else have a good honest days work.

  15. Vince says:

    Eintstein on God: “The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish.”

  16. Vince says:

    Oh My God. Andy has a web site, thanks for letting me know:

  17. Carlo says:

    I always had suspicions. It all makes sense now.

    • Elizete says:

      I was a McCain support in 2000 aluhtogh he is not the ideal candidate, he is going to get my support for President if he is the candidate. It will still be interesting as Huckabee has a chance to win a number of southern states on Super Tuesday. If he and McCain are the big winners, and Romney falls out will be interesting to see what happens. Personally I like Huckabee and if he does win a number of states on Super Tuesday what will that mean.

  18. Peraza says:

    Anyone see the Stewart O’Reily debate?

    •Bill says: “[Fox News] is making a billion dollars a year, so something’s going right.”
    Jon: “Yes, you can’t make money selling crap in America.”

    Jon says•”The first sentence of the Constitution mentions unions and welfare. I don’t know what to tell ya.”

    Jon says in response to Bill saying going into Iraq a mistake•”Somebody better livetweet that, motherfuckers! Bill O’Reilly says we should not have gone into Iraq!”

  19. Peraza says:

    Moderator: If the U.S. was burning, what famous person would you save?
    Bill: “I would say Oprah, she’s worth about a hundred billion. Who would you save?”
    Jon: “My family?”

  20. Peraza says:

    Jon: •“Why is it that if you take advantage of a tax break and you’re a corporation, you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something you need to not be hungry, you’re a moocher?”

  21. Vince says:

    I believe in nothing; only my skepticism keeps me from being an atheist.

  22. Wilbur says:

    Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly
    enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any suggestions for novice blog writers? I’d certainly appreciate it.

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