Kitchen Chicks

I never figured out how to be “That Guy.” You know, That Guy who was banging all The Kitchen Chicks.

Fresh out of Kendall College Culinary School, I worked the Oyster Bar at Marche Restaurant. I met Jaime. I was a pissed-off Line Cook. She was damaged goods, literally damaged by Scoliosis. Jaime was just happy to be considered.

Heather Wang O’Connor was an Oriental-Irish, smoking-hot hottie with an Italian Temper. Heather’s husband was a Legit Albino who was married to a woman way out of his league. The Kitchen Guys were just happy to be around Heather. That is, until she drank herself ugly.

Butter-Face Janet was a Line Cook with a chiseled body. One night, at our regular late night spot, we drank a bottle and a half of Jameson.  I was so drunk, I offered her cash for sex, mumbling something about it being no different than a housewife taking cash from her husband. The next day, Janet quit. That sobered me up.

Beth was a blonde bombshell with Tatas she put on constant display. Her second day on the job, she walked into the kitchen, straight from a huge rainstorm, in a soaking wet wife beater. The Kitchen Guys lived for getting drunk with Beth’s Tatas.

This recipe goes out to the GM in NYC with the Golden Shower Fetish. I tried to pretend I was down, but really, I had no interest in getting peed on. She made me realize I don’t have a kinky bone in my body.

Italian Wedding Soup (Makes 1-Gallon)

  • 3 heads garlic sliced
  • 1 yellow onion medium diced
  • ½ bottle white wine
  • 1/2 gallon chicken stock
  • 1/2 T dry oregano
  • 1/2 T dry parsley
  • pinch chili flakes
  • 1 carrot, 1 celery, 1 leek small diced
  • 1 cup dry Orzo
  • 1 bunch broccoli rob sliced ½ “ thick
  • 1 head escarole greens large diced
  • 1 oz browned meatballs
  • 1 cup cooked great northern beans
  1. Sauté garlic, onion, kosher salt, cracked pepper, herbs & spices in olive oil till brown
  2. Deglaze with wine and turn heat to medium
  3. Add stock and simmer 30 minutes
  4. Add veggies, orzo, beans and meatballs
  5. Simmer another 30 minutes or until Orzo is cook
  6. Raise a glass and toast, “To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before”
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10 Responses to Kitchen Chicks

  1. Vince says:

    Where is the kosher salt, bro?

  2. wang says:

    What about your Oriental Fetish??!

  3. Babs says:

    His mama has a fetish for wang!!

  4. bob says:

    I remember lots of hot theatre ladies on the Brickhouse bar and your Bro jamming karaoke. No chance you never banged a few.

  5. Carl says:

    Joey, who is that guy with you in the picture? He looks like someone I saw somewhere. Was he in the movies?

  6. Hip says:

    I think this is among the most significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The web site style is perfect, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

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