Step-Up, Black Churches!

How insecure are you? Do you need to feel better than someone else? Is your ability to love and give love so timid you need to shatter the dreams of people you don’t even know, but whose sexual preferences make you uncomfortable? Speaking of which, when did being uncomfortable make it okay to preach bigotry?

My loop must be loopy. My center must be wobbly. My arc must be crooked. Of course, the arc I’m talking about is the one described by Dr. King, who said, “The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward Gay Marriage.”

The preachers in black churches are treating God like a homophobe. They’re trying to bend the moral arc in the opposite direction. So I called God.

This is what God had to say, “If you’re lucky enough to find someone you want to kiss, by all means, kiss that person. I prefer a little tongue. But I’ll leave it up to you, with free will and all that crap. As far as Marriage, let me be clear, there’s no such thing as White Marriage, there’s no such thing as Black Marriage, there’s no such thing as Inter-Racial Marriage, in the same vein, there’s no such thing as Straight Marriage and there’s no such thing as Gay Marriage. Now, there might be such a thing as Happy Marriage, but it’s like the Spotted Owl, delicious.”

God didn’t feel compelled to explain his appetite. Mostly, he didn’t like being portrayed as a homophobe. What about The Bible, I asked.

God said, “The Bible was written by men. In case you haven’t noticed, men get a lot wrong. Have you seen the second season of Californication? It’s awful. Who gives the main character everything he wants? It’s terrible writing, lazy and unimaginative. Which pretty much describes everyone today who’s working in the clergy. They all need to grow-up, get real jobs and spend 10-years with duct tape over their mouths. It’s embarrassing, what’s being said in my name.”

God was getting cranky. I didn’t want to push Him, with His propensity for unleashing plagues, like the 2nd Amendment.

“Listen,” God said, “but keep this hush-hush. I have nothing to do with church. I don’t go. I never went. As far as books, I only read technical manuals. Speaking of which, I can’t figure out how to use the apps for my iPhone 4S. It’s a pain-in-the-ass! I like my storytelling the way stories were meant to be told, by word of mouth, around the fire, with s’mores. Or Netflix. I think it’s sad how the very same group of people who longed for equality, who marched for equality, who gave their lives, just one generation later, are using my name, and a poorly written book, to justify insecurity.”


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10 Responses to Step-Up, Black Churches!

  1. jojo says:

    Was g_d a chick? I’ve long suspected :-)

  2. Andy says:

    Blacks have the highest rate on incarceration, get longer prison sentences, unemployment is at 50% in most urban cities, high school graduation less that 60% and on and on and on. And you want them to worry about gays? How very paternal of you Greg, knowing whats best for a ravaged community. I’m confident blacks can deal with their own problems without white liberals bossing them around. When white liberals interfere with the black community you get the housing projects. Well intended but a fucking disaster. Leave the brothers alone!

    • Gregor says:

      One thing has nothing to do with the other. In fact, sometimes, when things are at their worst, for you, personally, it helps lift your spirit to do something for someone else, particularly if it’s of no benefit to you, whatsoever. For example, white people were free in 1861. Granted, they had plenty of problems, with poverty and the country on the brink of Civil War, but it didn’t stop them from becoming Abolitionists. Another example, men had the right to vote in 1914. Granted, the world was on the brink of World War I and in 6-years, it would be illegal to get a much needed drink, but it didn’t stop men from demonstrating with women suffragists. More than anything else, Andy, this has to do with adults looking out for kids. There’s not much difference, in my mind, between Emmett Till and Matthew Shepard. These two boys were killed, viciously. You can’t try to figure out why they were killed, one for being a black kid, one for being a gay kid. You can’t try to figure it out because you can’t “crawl inside of crazy.” And you have to be crazy to do what the killers did, in both cases. So you can’t worry about them. But you can ask yourself why the adults who were there, at the time, in each community, allowed this to happen. It’s not easy to step-up. But sometimes, particularly if you’re a grown-up, it’s mandatory. At this moment, at this time, for black churches not to step-up, when the president they fought so hard to elect, in 2008, is asking for them to reconsider The Golden Rule, is nothing short of cowardice. I would argue it’s the same type of cowardice which allowed The Romans to the crucify of their Lord & Savior.

  3. Andy says:

    A song about it too. This girls talented!

  4. Steven says:

    i remember you fought with some people from the church on the radio show. The most ridiculous thing about this is white people used quotes from the bible like be obedient unto ceaser to justify slavery against blacks. This is nothing more than pastors using this to control and make money. They are more interested in this than equal rights. Dr king would be appalled by this and be appalled by obama militarism. The government has marriage as part of policy in the tax code. So basically this is equal to the 3 fifths the black people had to overcome. I have no problem if a church does not want to marry gay people., but the state is suppose to be seperate.I agree with Ron Paul the state should not be involved with marriage, but as long as it is this is unconstitutional. Andy part ofthe reason blacks get higher prison rates is because most are low level non violent drug offenders, that white people never go to jail for. Ron Paul said he would pardon all low level non violent drug offenders day one. Thats more than obama has done for black people. Anyway here is a piece from rachel maddow ( the only one in the msm i respect) about the choas and violence and booing of mitt romney sons at the oklahoma convention. I guess ron paul is even getting scared and has said he is no longer campaigning. If only progressives would have challenged obama during his administration like this, maybe we not have 25 military suicides for every one person killed in afghanistan, children being killed by our drones, cia entrapped terrorist plots to justify spending on drones, getting rid of habeas corpus,jokes about eating dogs, tax breaks for the rich,bailouts for the banks, no bailouts for homeowners..

    • Gregor says:

      In 2007, I defended Jeremiah Wright on my radio show. Soon after, his followers at Trinity Church began calling-in. It was exciting. In case you forgot, Jeremiah Wright was critical of America for dragging its feet on slavery, taking its time in giving women the right to vote and needlessly prolonging the Vietnam War. When you love something, and it’s clear Jeremiah Wright loves his country, serving both as a soldier and pastor, it’s your civic duty to openly protest injustice. Otherwise, things stay the same; which is fine if you’re at the top, born into privilege, white and male, with exemption from having to serve. But for everyone else, it’s the opposite of fine. Unfortunately, once Barack Obama became President Obama, Jeremiah Wright made a comment about the Jews keeping him from having access to the president. It was an ugly thing to say. And a lie. So I called him out. Suddenly, the same followers at Trinity Church, who once championed my show, became critics. Guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, since the last people on Earth who develop the guts to think for themselves are followers.

  5. Babs says:

    I saw the show as I watch her whenever possible. Even though she is a lefty, she does intelligent and thoughtful shows and lets the other side talk. I guess the biggest difference between Rachel and you, Steve, is she’s gonna vote for Obama! Me, too!!

    • Gregor says:

      Now, Now, Babs! Steven doesn’t have to decide who he’s voting for, not yet. And if he wants to decide, it’s okay, too. I’d love to see Ron Paul on The Rachel Maddow Show. I think he should absolutely try to win more delegates. He certainly deserves a keynote address at the convention.

      It’s too bad he can’t win. I’d love to have the chance to decide between Barack Obama and Ron Paul. You know, Babs, until last week, on Wednesday of last week, to be exact, when President Obama finally embraced equality, I was on the fence.

      The real tragedy happened on Thursday of last week, when Mitt Romney didn’t have the balls to embrace equality. What happened? The GOP was the party of Lincoln, the party responsible for the author of the Emancipation Proclamation.

      Now look at them (minus Ron Paul): SAD.

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